Hot Dog Eating Contests and other non-sports

Let's a put a rest to those silly rumblings from people claiming that competitive eating contests, like the one we saw just mere days ago at Coney Island, should be considered "sport."

Congratulations to you, Joey Chestnut. You knocked off the six-time champ Kobayashi. Eating 66 hot dogs in 12 minutes is no laughing matter. In fact, we are all grateful that the mustard yellow belt has finally returned to America, its rightful owner. That was something which, I'm sure, we all lost a few seconds of sleep over (combined) in the past six years.

So what makes this contest a sport?

Arguments...

1. Hey idiot, look at all the work they are doing! Let's see you try to do that!

For one, everybody out there in readerland needs to calm down. I'll let you in on a little secret. There are many things I can't do.

I can't whistle. I can't snap my fingers. I can't sing. I could go on forever. But that doesn't make these things sports.

Two, yes it is a lot of work. Congratulations. Do you know what else is a lot of work?

Being a firefighter is hard work. So is farming. Has anyone gone off to war? I sure haven't, and I'm thankful for that. But I would assume that it takes the cake. Once again, none of these things are considered sports.

2. Well, ESPN reported and wrote about the contest, right?

That is absolutely correct. Do anyone want to take a stab at some of the other things they cover?

Try Scrabble. Spelling. Pool. High school cheerleading.

If anyone wants to argue about these, I'm all ears.

That's a wrap, folks - short and sweet. One big myth with two little arguments all shot down in a rather tidy writing.